A small post focusing on how volunteering to help others has boosted my confidence, shaping me into the person I want to be.
At the beginning of my course on the Changing Culture Programme, our first module was about analysing ourselves in how we interact with other people; evaluating how we treat ourselves, and identifying what we feel makes a strong leader whilst comparing these traits to our personal skill sets. To assist with this module, we were required to make a PDP (Personal Development Plan) to identify and evaluate our personal skills and/or traits that we want to improve throughout the course.
Within my PDP plan, one trait I have wanted to improve on is ‘To speak confidently with people in positions of authority without feeling intimidated or reduced to feeling like a child’. For me, this statement isn’t limited to those in authority, although a large part of it does involve these figures. For me, it includes everyone and anyone I speak to, or need to approach and ask questions. Ranging from friends/course mates, tutors, supermarket assistants, my partner, or even family members, affecting my confidence in both a face to face situation and over email/text. This issue became more apparent when I began volunteering at Art Gene (a local art and environmental organisation) which acted as the positive beginning for growing my confidence and encouraging me out of my boarded-up shell.
Although I fully understand that the lingering elements from my long-term anxiety are mostly to blame, I have since been steadily working on this part of myself through mild daily exposure. Due to Covid, I’ve had to email, phone, and text whenever I needed to speak to someone, and throughout the national lockdown earlier this year, I volunteered myself to be a personal shopper in my home-town for a local, high-risk resident.
In the beginning, I found this completely nerve-wracking and often sat in front of the phone for an hour or so building up the courage to ring him. I would need to ask what he wanted in his shopping, checking what essentials he needed, and having a casual conversation with him over the phone, then shopping, delivering to his house, and often chatting for a while the next day.
Although it only involved two small interactions during the beginning of the week, I began noticing myself becoming more confident over the phone. Meaning I took way less time rehearsing what I needed to say before pressing the dial button and having more control over my nerves in conversation. Having to repeat the process of ringing someone regularly made me feel confident in doing this with other people and organisations. Almost like a 'practice makes perfect' situation, or more so, weaving more of my own safety net and expanding my comfort zone.
If I had suddenly started working in a call center where I had to ring people all day every day, it probably would have made me comfortable speaking over the phone, asking questions, and speaking to new people way faster, but I’m sure my anxiety would have often become overwhelming at times and made the situation worse.
I believe that due to doing this voluntary task every week and it grow to be a routine, as well as becoming more friendly/familiar with one another made this process easier. However, I feel that the act of having manageable amounts of exposure at regular intervals was the main catalyst for gradually giving me more confidence.
I can't deny that I still have a long way to go before being fully confident in this, but at least I can look back on my PDP and feel like I’m growing as a person and am positively developing an aspect of myself, even if it’s a small one.